The Academy Award-winning actor tells stories, plays the bongo and shares how to unlock your best life
In case you missed it, Matthew McConaughey jumped headfirst into the self-help world with his recent “Art of Livin’” four-hour livestream. The Academy-Award winner set out to ignite a fire in the weary souls of the masses and guide them on a wild, untamed journey toward living their best lives.
Drawing on his own storied life experiences along with insights from a gallery of special guest speakers, everyone’s favorite Texan dared participants to seize the reins of existence and craft their own extraordinary narratives.
Someone needed to report on all of this potential for illumination and self-actualization so I signed up and took the ride through the highways and byways of the heart of the human condition, guided by the enigmatic force that is Matthew McConaughey.
Supposedly 2.4 million people from 150 countries had registered for the event. Accurate or not I know I was dizzy trying to read the endless rapid-fire comments that poured through the chat window.
I was struck by the sheer number of people out there interested in changing their lives. It conjured up an image evoked by that Police song, “Message in a Bottle,” with its “hundred billion castaways looking for a home.” There is a reason why the self-help industry is an evergreen one, so many are looking for a message.
McConaughy had released Greenlights where he shared his philosophical musings and introspective approach to life so it was clear he was laying the groundwork for this next role. But when I tuned into the event I couldn’t help but wonder if McConaughey was going to be “McConnin’ me” into buying something else. But what could I do, the man’s laid-back, cowboy-style swagger drew me in though, and I gave it a chance.
Here are some key success takeaways that resonated with me. (For full impact, try reading them in McConaughey’s trademark cadence.)
1 — Don’t be a prisoner of your past. McConaughey saysmany of uslive in a state of perceived “lack of achievement.” We focus on why we are not where we “should” be and what we might have done differently. But we don’t give ourselves enough credit for all of the challenges we have overcome and what we have accomplished. Stop giving past failures too much power. Are we seeking and moving forward to a more meaningful chapter in our lives? Or running from ghosts of past mistakes?
2 — Work on what you do well. McConaughey says that despite his box office success, he’s not getting A’s in everything he does. If you are not good at something, just admit it to yourself. “If we wanna be legit we gotta admit.” (Yes, he said that.) But his advice is to build on your skills and interests. For things to change you gotta change. For things to get better you have to get better. Try to be great at what you are good at instead of good at what you are bad at.
3 — Open your unused gifts. Tapping out a beat on his African drum,McConaughey asks, “Ever notice how we love to show off our birthday and holiday gifts but not our spiritual gifts?” Instead of appreciating what we have we think about the things we haven’t got. Let’s focus more on what we have than what is missing. Consider this –You’ve been given the gifts of your talents but you’re leaving your gifts wrapped up.
“Every day try to close the gap between the person you are and the one you want to be.”
— Matthew McConaughey
4 — Beware of outside counsel. Want to get real?Take a step back and evaluate who you have been listening to.A broke friend telling you how to make money? A single person giving you relationship advice? A sedentary relative dispensing fitness tips? Hot take —Don’t take advice from people not playing the game at the level you want to be.
5 — Instead of a “to-do” list make a “don’t” list. If to-do lists aren’t getting it done for you, maybe it’s time to mix it up a bit. Want to get fit or save more money? Instead of being stymied by exercise regimens or budgets start by removing some things that aren’t helping you reach your goals. Participants shared some of their “don’ts” in the comments. I don’t do junk food. I don’t do shots. I don’t do endless Netflix. I don’t do debt. Determine some of your own “don’ts” today and start from there.
6 — Wear your own glasses. Ever try putting on someone else’s prescription eyewear? They are often either not strong enough or else a blurry haze. Well in the same way our glasses don’t work for others. Sometimes the people close to us can’t see what matters to us. Your prescription is not meant for them so they may have a hard time comprehending your big visions.
7 — Boost your brainpower. McConaughey dropped some lines on neuroplasticity, “neurons that fire together, wire together,” and it turns out the science backs this up. Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to reorganize and repair itself by forming new neural connections throughout life. A specialist in the field, Stanford professor Andrew Huberman, says we do indeed have the power to change our brains and reprogram our perceptions, regardless of our age. The brain simply believes whatever you tell it the most.
8 — Tap into your own “McConfidance.” Part ofMcConaughey’s appeal is that magnetic personality and unique charm. He exudes a positive vibe, and his upbeat energy is infectious. He believes that we are the conscious creators of our own lives, and no matter the challenge we always have a choice. So how do you increase your own confidence? Step 1, you have to start doing the thing. The trick is you don’t get the confidence until you make the changes. Step 2, do less of the things that take your confidence away. Become your own best friend instead of your own worst enemy.If you aren’t ‘for’ yourself than who the (bleep) is?
9 — Who are you? McConaughey says there are three kinds of people. 1) Those watching everything that is going on. 2) Those criticizing what’s going on, and 3) The “doers,” those getting things done. We all know there are too many folks in the first two buckets. You were meant to be in the game. You don’t want to get to the end of your life sitting in the stands. Whatever it is you want to do, start now, and make the subtle shifts in the direction you want to go.
10 — What decision can you make today? You only get one chance each day, don’t do it half-way. You are a choice away from a new beginning and a commitment away from a new life. McConaughey has played a wide range of roles in his career, from romantic comedies to intense dramas. He has demonstrated a willingness to take risks and experiment with his craft, which has earned him critical acclaim and a loyal fan base. Every day try to close the gap between the person you are and the one you want to be.
11 — Facing fear. McConaughey says, “fear is imagination undirected.” Focus on where you want to go instead of what you are afraid of. Fears and mistakes are the rights of passage to get where we want to go. Your fears will always be there and they need to be and we just have to face them. There’s always going to be the boogeyman, you gotta look him in the eye. If your biggest fear is failure then sometimes we have to chase down a dream just to find out.
12 — Leverage your own influence. McConaughey’s philanthropic causes include supporting first responders, promoting education and raising awareness about the environment. He says he wants to make a positive impact on the world and inspire others to do the same. McConaughey acknowledges that as a “star” he has a big platform. But he points out that you know lots of people he doesn’t. You live and work in places he doesn’t frequent. Your influence is greater than you think. You are uniquely positioned to reach people that “celebrities” can’t. So what are you doing with this opportunity?
13 — Check in with yourself. In his autobiography, McConaughey talks about looking for “greenlights” to guide the way forward. But sometimes life gives us a big red light telling us to stop, look around and check under the hood. Maybe we’re on the wrong road, or perhaps a routine we developed in the past is no longer working. You gotta check in with yourself every so often. Look in the mirror and ask, “Hey, how you doin’ on that dream?”
As an American I have had my share of preconceptions about the British monarchy. But after spending some time recently in the U.K. and having the opportunity to talk to a range of interesting people — from the southwest coast to the gates of London’s Buckingham Palace — I came away with a fresh perspective.
In my travels I learned more about the monarchy and the life of Queen Elizabeth II, and in particular, how she impacted and inspired so many in Britain and beyond.
Much will continue to be said about her extraordinary life — including her strengths and missteps — but here are key lessons that can apply to anyone interested in living a life of purpose and inspiration to others.
1 — Life won’t go as planned. Elizabeth has been called the “accidental queen” because she assumed the throne due to the abdication of her uncle, Edward VIII, and subsequent untimely death of her father, George VI. Elizabeth took on this new role at a young age without lamenting the loss of a more carefree life that might have been.
Our lives don’t usually unfold as we envision, either. Careers get derailed, opportunities fall through, caregiver responsibilities loom large and an injury or illness can knock us off our horse like a jousting knight. It’s our duty to make the best of our circumstances and carry on even if that means letting go of what might have been. Elizabeth went on to weather numerous challenges, scandals and setbacks throughout her 70-year reign. The takeaway is that it’s not what happens, but how we respond to it, that matters.
2 — Declare your intention. In 1947, on her 21st birthday, then Princess Elizabeth famously said the following in a speech: “I declare before you all that my whole life — whether it be long or short — shall be devoted to your service and the service of our great imperial family to which we all belong.” This young woman stated her mission and lived her truth through the ensuing decades. In 1977, at her silver jubilee she remarked about her pledge, “I do not regret, or retract, one word of it.”
People respect those do what they say and say what they mean, especially in a world when so many are chasing the next shiny thing. There is a proven power in affirming one’s purpose and staying true to one’s calling. Decide what it is that you can be counted on to do.
3 — Balance tradition and change. Some say the monarchy, with all of its pomp and circumstance, is outdated. But in a world of continuous acceleration and disruption, rituals and tradition can serve as an anchor of stability and familiarity. Organizations — from corporations and teams to religions and families — also have customs and practices that help unite and inspire their members. The queen, while steeped in a thousand years of tradition, was astute enough at times to know when change was necessary and ushered it in.
4 — Make time to recharge. The queen found refuge from the demands of her role and the constant public scrutiny at her beloved Balmoral estate in Scotland. Asked why Balmoral when she could travel anywhere in the world she replied, “Because I quite like it there.” In a BBC interview a staffer recounted how once her car was through the gates of the property the queen literally kicked off her shoes.
In a 24-hour, “always-on” business world we all need to make time to reset and clear our heads. Studies show spending time in nature is a boost to physical and mental well-being. You don’t need an expensive estate to enjoy these benefits, there are national, state and local parks to be found, and even just a regular walk can work wonders.
5 — Be pleasant to deal with. Despite the queen’s stoic demeanor, many who met her described being charmed by the experience. “She had this uncanny ability to make you feel comfortable,” said one royal commentator. “As if you were just the person she was hoping to meet.” Elizabeth took a great interest in the affairs of each country she visited and asked questions in a curious way. She also had a funny side, and from Daniel Craig to Andrew Lloyd Webber there are no shortage of people on record who have mentioned being delighted by her wit and humor.
We don’t need a bejeweled crown or fancy title to replicate this approach. By showing a sincere interest in others, asking open-ended questions and occasionally adding a dash of appropriate humor, we can go a long way toward endearing ourselves to most anyone.
6 — Never mind the naysayers. The monarchy has plenty of critics, and the queen wasn’t immune to these attacks. In the end though, historians will add it all up. But throughout her life Elizabeth remained a symbol of strength and resolve staying above the fray of popping press flashbulbs and petty disputes.
Regardless of what you do there will always be someone who doesn’t agree with it or finds fault in your efforts. Sometimes, people may just not like you for whatever reason. Be open to constructive feedback, but don’t let haters keep you from your pursuits. As Finnish composer Jan Sibelius put it, “Remember, no statue has been put up to honor a critic.”
7 — Re-think “retirement.” Many people look forward to retirement, dreaming of changing latitudes and living the Jimmy Buffet lifestyle by hitting the beach and playing golf. But for Elizabeth retirement was never an option, her duties included patronage of over 600 charitable organizations. She worked tirelessly to the end, even greeting Liz Truss, the new prime minister, only days before her death at age 96.
Instead of retirement, plan your next act. Whether that involves starting a business, volunteering or otherwise reinventing yourself, studies show that keeping busy and staying active helps you remain sharp and live longer. Fingers crossed, we will all make it to our 90’s or beyond. But whatever your kingly pursuits, I hope you are a royal success.
You can trace today’s TikTok and Instagram videos—with the creator as the focus of the story—back to “Gonzo” journalism, a style popularized by writer Hunter S. Thompson.
With a press card tucked in the hatband, the traditional journalist followed the model of objectivity, framing the story around the “who, what, when, where, why and how.” A good reporter pursued the truth and muted their own point of view as much as possible. Editor-in-chief Perry White of the Daily Planet didn’t care what Lois Lane thought of the explosion, he wanted the facts to run the story by the deadline.
But Hunter S. Thompson threw a stick of dynamite into this status quo and told you how the bone-rattling blast felt firsthand. In Gonzo journalism Thompson didn’t report “on” the event, but from within it, making himself the story.
“I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.”
—Hunter S. Thompson
Bursting onto the literary scene with Hell’s Angels: A Strange and Terrible Saga, Thompson told a lurid tale of what it was like to spend a year living and riding with members of the infamous California motorcycle club.
He followed this with his most famous work, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Dispatched to cover an off-road desert race for Rolling Stone magazine, Thompson blended fact and fiction into a story with the event serving as a backdrop for the main characters’ feverish, drug-crazed misadventures.
In other books, columns and screeds Thompson wrote about politics and sports with a style of dizzying prose that veered from grandiose to harsh with the occasional flash of lyrical brilliance. He specialized in championing the underdog against the “elites” by combining his ideas of justice, righteous anger and resentment into a bitter brew with dashes of raw humor.
In addition to Thompson’s unconventional approach to writing, his signature clothing style inspired legions of journalism school graduates to wear Hawaiian shirts, bucket hats and aviator sunglasses to cover their local city council meetings.
Photo by author
While Thompson lived long enough into the 21st century to have a web-based column (Hey Rube for ESPN), he died in 2005 just missing Twitter, Instagram and TikTok where he might have found a whole new audience. Thompson’s quotes are eminently tweetable: “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro,” and “Buy the ticket, take the ride.”
Thompson’s approach foreshadowed the world of social media today.
Ask kids what they want to be when they grow up and the reply, “YouTube influencer,” is all Gonzo. The crazy stunts and tricks everybody watches? Thompson delighted in outrageous and cruel pranks and would be right at home partaking in the latest social media challenge.
Plus his favorite activities; imbibing unsafe levels of questionable substances, riding motorcycles, shooting large caliber weaponry and detonating various incendiary devices lend themselves well to video. One can imagine the “likes” and “shares” this stuff would get. “I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me,” Thompson said, known to court and relish danger at every turn.
He believed there was nothing like a surprise display of pyrotechnics to evoke instant hilarity, and any traumatized victims were part of the expected collateral damage.
“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”
—Hunter S. Thompson
Covid-19 wouldn’t have stopped Thompson, either. He tapped away at his IBM Selectric typewriter and raised peacocks on his beloved Owl Farm, a “fortified compound” in Woody Creek Colorado from the 1960’s until his death. The guy worked from home in shorts long before it was a thing.
Of course we’ll never know if social media would have been something Thompson might have turned against. He might have rued the existence of tech leaders “corrupting the possibilities of the American Dream,” and loathed the “hustlers” selling get-rich-quick courses, or cast a disdainful eye on the millionaire influencer “greedheads” pushing energy drinks and skin care regimens.
Photo by Matheus Bertelli: Pexels.com
Maybe the rise of “fake news” might have caused Thompson to question his own history of fabrication to make things, as his idol Hemingway put it, “Truer than how they actually happened.” We can only wonder.
Today Thompson’s ashes lie somewhere on Owl Farm, blasted out of a cannon per his final wishes by his good friend Johnny Depp. Meanwhile, TikTok is gunning for a billion users around the globe and work continues on Meta and the promised virtual world where each of us has a Gonzo avatar of our own.
Who knows, had Thompson lived, perhaps just like in Fear and Loathing he might have had the right kind of eyes to point out the high water mark of all of this, wherever and whenever it may be.
“That place where the wave finally broke, and rolled back.”
Photo by author of the cover of his personal copy of the book, “Will.”
I recently finished reading Will Smith’s memoir, Will, and marveled at his life journey going from self-described “fearful child” in West Philadelphia to the biggest celebrity in the world. Oprah Winfrey called the book, “The best memoir I’ve ever read,” and it’s an amazing story of personal transformation and the power of perseverance.
Smith has lived over 30 years in the public eye so there is plenty to google about his family and personal life, not to mention the incident at the 2022 Academy Awards.
However—from a personal development perspective—as the adage goes, “success leaves clues.” So for anyone interested in a tiny slice of Smith’s success the book is a fascinating behind-the-scenes look at his focused effort to achieve the impossible: Reaching the pinnacle in the three mediums of music, TV and film.
Here are some of the key takeaways that particularly resonated with me:
1—Decide what you want. In every movie, the desire of the characters is what drives the story forward. The hero wants one thing and the villain wants another and the resulting conflict is why we buy the ticket with a large popcorn and a Coke. We can relate to these characters regardless of whether they are fictionalized pirates or space explorers because we inherently understand the power of desire. Since we’re all characters in our own real-life movies the same logic applies to our lives.
According to Smith, clarity of mission is a powerful cornerstone of success and once you go all in on a goal things tend to conspire in your favor. “Knowing what you want gives direction to your life, every action you take, what you eat, how you sleep, who you associate with and what you consume can all be corralled and launched toward your wildest dreams,” he says. Decide what you really want and start cutting things out of your life that are distracting you from your objective.
2—Set bold goals. Fresh off The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air TV show Smith’s manager asked him what he wanted to do next. Smith said he wanted to do what Eddie Murphy was doing on film and he wanted to make people feel how he felt the first time he saw Star Wars. Smith declared aloud, “I want to be the biggest movie star in the world.” Outrageous? of course. But you only get one life, why not think big? Allow yourself to dream about what your ideal life could look like, then write it down and make a plan. It really won’t manifest itself any other way.
3—Look for patterns. It’s easy to declare a big goal, so how do you make it happen? Smith describes how he and his manager, James Lassiter, examined the top ten biggest grossing films of all time and sought to reverse-engineer their success by looking for the similar attributes. He found these blockbusters had three things in common:
1. Creatures or aliens.
2. Special effects.
3. A romantic sub plot.
Dubbing his strategy the “Will Smith Cinematic Success Story” he sought out scripts that met this criteria and the approach kicked off a multi-billion-dollar box office run with movies including, Independence Day, Men in Black and I, Robot.
There’s no need to reinvent the wheel. Look at the people who are successfully doing what you want to do and see where you can replicate that with your own unique angle. And remember there is always more than one route to get where you want to go.
4—Identify your superpower. Smith readily acknowledges he is not the most talented, best looking, best educated, or smartest person in a given room. So he makes it a point to leverage his key strength, that of always being the hardest working person in the room. “The only thing that I see that is distinctly different from me is that I will not be out-worked, period,” Smith has said in interviews throughout his career. “It’s such a simple, basic concept. The guy who is willing to hustle the most is going to be the one who gets that loose ball.”
If you aren’t getting where you want to be take an inventory and see if you are using your main superpower.
“Some of the most impactful lessons I’ve ever received, I’ve had to learn in spite of myself. I resisted them, I denied them, but ultimately the weight of their truth became unavoidable.”
-Will Smith
5—Commit to lifelong learning. When young Smith got his first acting gig in 1990’s Fresh Prince of Bel-Air he walked on set with the swagger of a Grammy-winning rapper. But veteran actor James Avery quickly knocked him down to size telling him acting was a whole new skillset than music and Smith needed to “humble himself to the craft.” From reading books on success (such as The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho) to acting coaches and mentors to relationship and spiritual counseling Smith has moved forward through the decades by tapping the endless pool of of knowledge from others. “There’s no new problem that someone hasn’t already had and written about it in a book.”
No matter how old you are there is always more to learn and it’s never been easier. Reading, listening to podcasts, YouTube videos and networking opens up a world of endless learning opportunities never dreamt of in human history.
6—Cultivate your imagination. Smith relates how he marvels at commonplace things most of us take for granted, for example, how people “sit in an aluminum tube and fly thousands of miles through the air.” We have air travel because people executed on ideas born from their imaginations. Smith said that since childhood he could make his mind believe anything. “My imagination is usually a white-water rapids ride of possibilities and potential,” Smith writes. “My imagination is my gift, and when it merges with my work ethic I can make money rain from the heavens.” This might be trash talk if it wasn’t backed up by $20 million leading-man paydays.
Albert Einstein said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge” and Smith is a serious proof point. One trick Smith uses is believing he can do anything—such as flying the space shuttle—if only he learns how it’s done and does whatever work is needed to get there. He applied that ethos to building successful careers in both music and acting.
What’s stopping you from believing that you can do what you want; why can’t you reinvent yourself? Expand your interests and keep an an open mind to new ideas or paths. Ask, “Why not?” more often. And tap into your inner child to find new creative outlets and draw, paint, write or make videos. If you don’t believe the sky’s the limit for your dreams then who will?
7—Commit to continuous self-improvement. Smith details his experiences with a therapist and how he daily sought to be a better version of himself. A man who is self-aware, self-reliant, self-motivated and self-confident. A man who knows who he is, what he wants and endeavors to use his gifts to serve others. The Will memoir is at it’s core a self-help book, and with Smith’s carefully curated image he has willingly assumed the role of global role model. And that high perch is easy to fall from. The situation with Chris Rock is not indicative of what Smith described in his book as his highest self. One particular line seems appropriately prescient: “Some of the most impactful lessons I’ve ever received, I’ve had to learn in spite of myself. I resisted them, I denied them, but ultimately the weight of their truth became unavoidable.”
The lesson here is not to let the fear of stumbling keep us from trying to be the best versions of our own selves; to maximize our talents, skills and abilities for the service of others. And we can learn from people—including Smith—from their best selves to their worst selves.
8—Don’t be overwhelmed by the big picture. One particularly useful tip is to approach projects with a mason’s mindset: “Stop thinking about the wall, there is no wall, there are only bricks. Your job is to lay this brick as perfectly as you can. Then move on to the next brick and lay that brick and then on to the next one.” As the mason focuses on laying each brick the wall takes care of itself. The lesson here is to break each project down into doable tasks and give each task your utmost focus.
“For my entire career, I have been absolutely relentless,” Smith writes. “And the secret to my success is as boring as it is unsurprising: you show up and you lay another brick. Bad opening weekend? Lay another brick. Album sales dropping? Lay another brick. Marriage failing? Lay another brick.”
It remains to be seen where he will place his next brick. But you need to focus on your own wall. As Paulo Coelho wrote in The Alchemist, “Realizing one’s destiny is one’s only obligation.”
The question is, what’s the next chapter in your future memoir?
“What’s past is prologue.” Shakespeare wrote that line in “The Tempest” over 400 years ago. It means history sets the context for the present. Everything that has transpired over the past 22 months or so has set the stage for right now. Whether you are where you want to be—or not—let go of previous expectations and give yourself credit for what you have done amid the stress and uncertainty of this volatile environment.
Resolve to keep moving ahead.The word “resolution” comes from “resolute,” meaning determined and unwavering. Maybe you do the whole New Year’s resolution thing or just, as Matthew McConaughey says, “Take some time to check in with yourself.” Either way keep learning, growing and pushing through discomfort and you’ll be continuing on the path of personal and professional growth.
“Stop thinking about the wall, there is no wall, there are only bricks. Your job is to lay this brick as perfectly as you can.”
Will Smith
Take it step by step. Try not to be overwhelmed by the big picture. Instead, approach projects with a mason’s mindset as Will Smith explains in his autobiography: “Stop thinking about the wall, there is no wall, there are only bricks. Your job is to lay this brick as perfectly as you can. Then move on to the next brick and lay that brick and then on to the next one.” Focus on laying each brick and the wall will take care of itself. Try applying that approach to all of your daunting endeavors.
Continue to course-correct. “Improvise, adapt and overcome” is an unofficial slogan used by U.S. Marines who have to make do with second-hand or non-existent gear and deal with unforeseen circumstances. You don’t have to be a marine to know what it is like to slog through all of the challenges we have had of late. You have shown how strong and resilient you are — often making it up as you go — and it’s not surprising, as such resiliency is hard-wired into who we are as humans. Take heart that we have have survived for millennia through changing circumstances and we are another strong link in that ancient chain.
Keep a positive perspective. Of course, this is easier said than done, but we can help enhance a positive mindset by what we read, who we associate with and follow and the content we consume. As for pining for the past, perhaps re-frame that, too. As Billy Joel sang, “The good old days weren’t always good and tomorrow’s not as bad as it seems.”
“Keep the faith” and let’s see what we can do this year!
